The One-Legged Lass

The One-Legged Lass
(A rollicking, bawdy drinking song)
[Verse 1]
Oh, I walked into the tavern on a cold and stormy night,
Where the lads were raisin' tankards and the fire was burnin' bright.
And there I spied a maiden with an ale cup in her grasp,
A devilish grin upon her face—the one-legged lass!
[Chorus]
Oh, the one-legged lass, oh, she’ll drink you under the table,
She’ll spin you 'round and steal your heart, if you think you’re able.
With a leg of oak and a laugh of brass,
Cheers to the bold one-legged lass!
[Verse 2]
She hopped up on the barrel with a swagger and a wink,
Said, 'Who’ll buy me whiskey? I’ll out-drink you fools, I think!'
Her wooden leg kept tappin' as the room began to cheer,
The lass could hold her liquor — it was legendary, my dear!
[Chorus]
Oh, the one-legged lass, oh, she’ll drink you under the table,
She’ll spin you 'round and steal your heart, if you think you’re able.
With a leg of oak and a laugh of brass,
Cheers to the bold one-legged lass!
[Verse 3]
She danced across the tavern floor, her balance never failed,
She challenged every sailor in their finest drinking tales.
'Lost my leg while fightin’ sharks,' she bellowed with a roar,
'But I kept my rum, you cowards — and I’ll have myself some more!'
[Chorus]
Oh, the one-legged lass, oh, she’ll drink you under the table,
She’ll spin you 'round and steal your heart, if you think you’re able.
With a leg of oak and a laugh of brass,
Cheers to the bold one-legged lass!
[Verse 4]
Now love can bloom in many forms when half the room is drunk,
But some poor lad proposed to her—he staggered, full of funk.
She laughed so hard her ale cup flew and landed on the floor,
She said, “I’ve married men like you… but they don’t last to four!”
[Chorus]
Oh, the one-legged lass, oh, she’ll drink you under the table,
She’ll spin you 'round and steal your heart, if you think you’re able.
With a leg of oak and a laugh of brass,
Cheers to the bold one-legged lass!
[Bridge]
Now some folks think her wooden leg slows down her wild spree,
But on her peg she slides around as graceful as can be.
She’ll drain your flask and steal your hat, then toast you with her glass,
A toast to the treasure of the pub—the one-legged lass!
[Final Chorus]
Oh, the one-legged lass, oh, she’ll drink you under the table,
She’ll spin you 'round and steal your heart, if you think you’re able.
With a leg of oak and a laugh of brass,
Here’s to the fearless one-legged lass!
[Outro]
So raise your cup in honor of the lass who’s got one pin,
She’ll drink to storms, to lovers lost, and wars she didn’t win.
For life’s too short for sober nights, so let’s have another glass,
And sing a toast to legends like the one-legged lass!